It was hot, and a lot of work, but just knowing that it is going to a good cause somehow makes everything right. Don't worry, we suffered only slightly. We were never short on pizza, Starbucks, or the comfort of running inside for a bottled water and a nice comfy couch under the air conditioner. It was so natural for me to assume those luxuries would be there. Or, to anticipate that I would not endure much more than the slightest effects of a little hard work on a warm summer's day.
Remembering back to the days when I was faced with providing, on my own, for my children brought a sense of humility to me that I hope I never forget. There is a kind of fear that accompanied my waking hours. "What if" I would never "make it" or be able to provide for my children all that they deserve? Being left at such a young age with three small children, and nothing but a GED and some general labor work skills to somehow make ends meet, left me with more questions about our future that imagined possibilities. I remember at times thinking that there was no way I could do it. No matter how I added things up, crossed things of the list of "necessities" or went without...there was just never enough.
There were plenty of times when I felt crushed against the anvil. When it seemed that I might surrender to the intensity of the heat. The seemingly relentless blows had become a formidable opponant. And, were it not for the one consistency in my life, Jesus, I might have buckeled. So many times I felt there was nothing more I could do, and would cry out to God. (He had me where He wanted me!) Today I see that those "blows" were only the shaping and forming that was required at the time. The very trials that allowed me to choose God. To make Him king and covering. To allow Him to be who He was in my life, so that I might, one day, be who I am to be.
He was so faithful. I was so consistently "not". I look at who I am today, who my children are, and consider where we came from. I can only attest to the good that came from the life we lived as being a blessing amid the trials. I am confident that His grace and mercy are the reasons I am here today. A strong, faith filled believer who leans on Him as I face each day. I learned that I could trust Him in even the smallest of things. I learned that I could be confident in Him. I learned that I was loved, and His provision for my life was greater than I could imagine. More importantly, I learned that He loved my children even more than I did. Though, it is still hard for me to fathom.
I see I am not so unlike the women in the transitional home. I find that I am on quite a similar journey, though perhaps a little further down the road. The twists, the turns, the unpredictable nature of life. All the things that make me want to stay in bed, yet, call to me...daring me to face and conquer.
I am thankful for opportunities to reflect back on who I was back then, and where I came from. It puts perspective to the reality that the Lord truly is working on us, as He works in us, so that He might work through us. (Knowing full well, I have not "arrived".)
I know that the women at the transitional home have had a rough go of things. I know some may not even have the hope of Christ, that I have today as I did back then. I know that we are all striving, struggling, and not always able to believe that we are capable of overcoming, not on our own, but because
of Whose we are. I think back to where I might have erred most often, and it was almost always when I tried to accomplish on my own, what my Jesus wanted to do Himself.
Today, I pray that we might remember for a moment that we all start "somewhere" on this journey. That we don't always get to choose how the Lord reveals Himself to us, or when. But, we do all get the chance to tell our story at least once. We get to share what He has done for us and maybe even encourage or impact another life for good. We embark on a journey, it starts before we are ever born. We will, no doubt, be faced with many a tough decision, and opportunity to take that "road less traveled"...Knowing that I don't have to "go it alone" is my peace! I pray my life will be a story, a never ending, hope filled, grace infused, mercifully blessed, story of my great big, loving God and me.
...ROAD TRIP!!!!
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