Wednesday, September 10, 2008
If I only knew then...
I have to say, the discovery of this pastor and his wonderful and HILARIOUS way of putting what is clearly obvious yet oblivious to the average man and woman had me in stitches!
He has several great clips on YouTube, which I have searched out and have come to appreciate. His name is Mark Gungor, I would highly reccomend him to anyone looking for some genuine insight that is served up "family style" on a platter of giggles, and a good clean fun as a garnish.
I hope you get a good belly laugh out of this, I know I did! Oh, and I encourage you to hold tight the to little morsels of wisdom wrapped in the clever and witty package of humor...we could sure learn a lot if we just saw the truth for the funny, whimsical, hilariousness that it is.
Here's to laughing and learning!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Dusting For Prints
Today was a day in which I can say with certainty that visible prints of the fingertips of God were scattered about. From the very moment I woke up and sought His presence to this 
moment, late at night as I write about my day.
Today I needed to know He was here with me. I went for my usual two mile walk, where the first signs of fall began to command my attention. It was still dark when I started, the cool morning air was crisp and fresh. The smell of early morning sprinklers on wet grass, and the first of the fallen leaves crushed into the asphalt as the early morning commuters trudged their way to the freeways while the wind carried the scents along the very path I walked and waited on the Lord. I could hear morning alarms going off in the homes along the route, windows open to invite the freshness of a new day in. It was a new beginning for all of us, and I couldn't help but wonder about the lives of those reaching for their alarms, about to face their lives and all that this day would bring them. Did they have the hope I have? Do they talk with Jesus? Do they know He is with them too?
I had to "zip up" this morning, and it wasn't until the end of the two miles that I had built up enough body heat to appreciate that the zipper on my jacket was meant to go in both directions. I had my sun glasses and knew that within 40 minutes of leaving in the dark, I would be greeted by the sun in all its glory and magnificence. The hardest part of the walk is getting going, once I am out, I am glad I went.
Once I got back home I spent some time in prayer and and in God's word. I sipped my morning coffee and suddenly realized as I looked around my beautiful new home, cozy and best described as peaceful and serene, that I am living a wonderful, beautiful dream that I certainly don't deserve yet truly find great joy and satisfaction in. I pray to never take for granted, or hold too tightly my life and the things in it to the point that were I required to let go, my heart would be grieved or even tempted to strain to keep any of it at all.
I asked the Lord to show Himself to me today. His word says that I can and when I did, He would, so I did, and He, as faithful to His word as ever, met me for coffee and a time of being ministered to by Him. I asked for something specific, and I asked with expectancy and an odd assurance in my "gut" that He would surely answer. My experience has always been that He does so in His timing, and rarely ever in my own. In this particular instance, it was nearly instantaneous. Clearly, He was not surprised, and made it evident by the way the Psalm I would be turning to momentarily, was literally made a picture in my head. God was ready to deliver!
I opened my bible up to the Psalm (37) that had just flashed before my mind's eye and began to read. It only took a brief moment to know that I had just heard directly from the Lord and that He knew every detail of my frustration, trials, and "human nature" that would cause me to step out of the covering of His sweet presence and into the ugliness of my flesh and my selfish way of wanting to take things into my own hands. Intent on exacting a measure of justice against those that taunt and fail to fulfill their responsibilities, those that seem to get away with things, while I must simply wait. My hands seemingly tied behind my back, unable to conquer or avenge as my simple and selfish heart desires. I realized that today this very familiar passage was not intended for someone elses encouragement or exhortation. Today it was personal, and meant for me.
Sometimes I go through such difficult trials and want more than anything to know that I was not fighting without cause or chance of victory and more importantly that I was not fighting alone. I was reminded that My God is my refuge, my avenger, and that those that are doing evil do not win the battle. My role is to trust Him and not fear. To abide in Him and not look beyond His covering and provision for my life. It is so easy to look around and proclaim, "no fair"! I admit this is an ongoing process and I will no doubt read Psalm 37 many times until the day comes that I am no longer battling this particular giant.
What was so sweet and even further confirmation of His love for me, came as a friend stopped by and in the midst of a brief conversation about my morning he shared with me about a verse he had come across. I am sure you can guess by now that it was Psalm 37. I was actually a little stunned, (yet not at the same time) and shared what I had written just a few hours earlier this morning in my journal. I somehow had a sense of knowing God's presence once again as my friend had just been used by the Lord to show me that He is here, and in the details.
Days like this make me wonder how I can ever really doubt that the God I serve has everything under control. Days like this make me want to just dig in even more, find a strong foothold and stand fast. As I set another Ebenezer stone at this juncture of my life, I look forward to the next. I have a sense of renewed mind and strength and an unsettled state of being has become less apparent as a calmness and peace take its place.
His fingerprints are everywhere, in my life and yours...I dare you to count, to get out the dust and brush, and go to town discovering just where He has been in your life today.
moment, late at night as I write about my day. Today I needed to know He was here with me. I went for my usual two mile walk, where the first signs of fall began to command my attention. It was still dark when I started, the cool morning air was crisp and fresh. The smell of early morning sprinklers on wet grass, and the first of the fallen leaves crushed into the asphalt as the early morning commuters trudged their way to the freeways while the wind carried the scents along the very path I walked and waited on the Lord. I could hear morning alarms going off in the homes along the route, windows open to invite the freshness of a new day in. It was a new beginning for all of us, and I couldn't help but wonder about the lives of those reaching for their alarms, about to face their lives and all that this day would bring them. Did they have the hope I have? Do they talk with Jesus? Do they know He is with them too?
I had to "zip up" this morning, and it wasn't until the end of the two miles that I had built up enough body heat to appreciate that the zipper on my jacket was meant to go in both directions. I had my sun glasses and knew that within 40 minutes of leaving in the dark, I would be greeted by the sun in all its glory and magnificence. The hardest part of the walk is getting going, once I am out, I am glad I went.
Once I got back home I spent some time in prayer and and in God's word. I sipped my morning coffee and suddenly realized as I looked around my beautiful new home, cozy and best described as peaceful and serene, that I am living a wonderful, beautiful dream that I certainly don't deserve yet truly find great joy and satisfaction in. I pray to never take for granted, or hold too tightly my life and the things in it to the point that were I required to let go, my heart would be grieved or even tempted to strain to keep any of it at all.
I asked the Lord to show Himself to me today. His word says that I can and when I did, He would, so I did, and He, as faithful to His word as ever, met me for coffee and a time of being ministered to by Him. I asked for something specific, and I asked with expectancy and an odd assurance in my "gut" that He would surely answer. My experience has always been that He does so in His timing, and rarely ever in my own. In this particular instance, it was nearly instantaneous. Clearly, He was not surprised, and made it evident by the way the Psalm I would be turning to momentarily, was literally made a picture in my head. God was ready to deliver!
I opened my bible up to the Psalm (37) that had just flashed before my mind's eye and began to read. It only took a brief moment to know that I had just heard directly from the Lord and that He knew every detail of my frustration, trials, and "human nature" that would cause me to step out of the covering of His sweet presence and into the ugliness of my flesh and my selfish way of wanting to take things into my own hands. Intent on exacting a measure of justice against those that taunt and fail to fulfill their responsibilities, those that seem to get away with things, while I must simply wait. My hands seemingly tied behind my back, unable to conquer or avenge as my simple and selfish heart desires. I realized that today this very familiar passage was not intended for someone elses encouragement or exhortation. Today it was personal, and meant for me.
Sometimes I go through such difficult trials and want more than anything to know that I was not fighting without cause or chance of victory and more importantly that I was not fighting alone. I was reminded that My God is my refuge, my avenger, and that those that are doing evil do not win the battle. My role is to trust Him and not fear. To abide in Him and not look beyond His covering and provision for my life. It is so easy to look around and proclaim, "no fair"! I admit this is an ongoing process and I will no doubt read Psalm 37 many times until the day comes that I am no longer battling this particular giant.
What was so sweet and even further confirmation of His love for me, came as a friend stopped by and in the midst of a brief conversation about my morning he shared with me about a verse he had come across. I am sure you can guess by now that it was Psalm 37. I was actually a little stunned, (yet not at the same time) and shared what I had written just a few hours earlier this morning in my journal. I somehow had a sense of knowing God's presence once again as my friend had just been used by the Lord to show me that He is here, and in the details.
Days like this make me wonder how I can ever really doubt that the God I serve has everything under control. Days like this make me want to just dig in even more, find a strong foothold and stand fast. As I set another Ebenezer stone at this juncture of my life, I look forward to the next. I have a sense of renewed mind and strength and an unsettled state of being has become less apparent as a calmness and peace take its place.
His fingerprints are everywhere, in my life and yours...I dare you to count, to get out the dust and brush, and go to town discovering just where He has been in your life today.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Stabbed in the back...
Okay, so it was a needle, not a knife but it was a stab, and it was in the back. I went in this morning to Sutter Neuro-Spine and Surgery Center for additional injections as it has been exactly 5 months (and one day) since the first round.
It is never an easy thing to do because there is a tremendous amount of pain involved in this tedious process to eliminate the pain that I must endure on a daily basis. I am thankful when it is over, but the first experience left me with night sweats, repeated, desperate nightmares in
which I relived over and over the moment the needles penetrated my back and pierced the nerve in which they were intended. I was sedated but, not "out". So, I felt EVERYTHING and could not move let alone go with my natural instinct to kick the surgeon or gut punch him to just return the favor of presenting me with the experience of excruciating pain without any warning. I was screaming under the sedation, in my head it was nearly blood curdling, and yet, the sounds I heard with my own ears were muted moans and groans that hardly expressed the octave in which they were intended to be heard. The room was freezing cold, and of course, by now, I knew what I was in for.
I heard the reassuring voices of the doctor and the nurses in the room but I think it was more for their benefit and not mine as they promised it was almost over . I doubt I am the first to scream under sedation, but it is not an easy experience to endure and the sense of helplessness is nearly enough to make one mentally "twist". There were no words eloquent or encouraging enough from those in the room that could ease that experience. I realize it was necessary to go through the process and enjoyed about 3.5 to 4 months of manageable pain and no longer required a walker to get out of bed, or a cane to get to the door. But the moment will never be forgotten and, of course played into today's experience simply for the remembrance of it.
I trust the Lord, and was blessed to have the event covered in prayer. I knew I could choose His peace, or walk in and expect fear to be my god. I choose peace!
This go 'round, I was honest with the surgeon and shared my last experience with him to which he seemed genuinely concerned and assured me that he would increase the sedation and that I should never have had that experience. I am happy to say that he did as he promised. And though there is a tinge of remembrance of the experience, it is somewhat blurred and I admit a bit of confusion surrounds the event as I cannot say for certain that it wasn't just another moment in which I relived the first "go round".
Anyway, I am doing well, and appreciate the prayers and support of my family and friends. Most of the day I lugged around two legs that felt as if they weighed (conservatively) 200 lbs each! Just so thankful that the ability to walk came back within a few hours. PRAISE GOD! I am blessed to have a loving sister, kids and my best "b-bff" *boy-best friend forever* ;) who encourage and support me in the toughest of my days as I deal with recurring pain, by simply offering up their prayers and companionship. I was well taken care of today and cannot say enough thank you's to my dear friend who set aside the day to babysit. You rock!! Today...you SERIOUSLY "had my back"!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. It will be a pretty good indicator of whether or not the injections "took". I am trusting the Lord and just going to wake up believing that it is a great day and that for just a few more months, I might just get to live nearly pain free again!
It is never an easy thing to do because there is a tremendous amount of pain involved in this tedious process to eliminate the pain that I must endure on a daily basis. I am thankful when it is over, but the first experience left me with night sweats, repeated, desperate nightmares in
which I relived over and over the moment the needles penetrated my back and pierced the nerve in which they were intended. I was sedated but, not "out". So, I felt EVERYTHING and could not move let alone go with my natural instinct to kick the surgeon or gut punch him to just return the favor of presenting me with the experience of excruciating pain without any warning. I was screaming under the sedation, in my head it was nearly blood curdling, and yet, the sounds I heard with my own ears were muted moans and groans that hardly expressed the octave in which they were intended to be heard. The room was freezing cold, and of course, by now, I knew what I was in for.I heard the reassuring voices of the doctor and the nurses in the room but I think it was more for their benefit and not mine as they promised it was almost over . I doubt I am the first to scream under sedation, but it is not an easy experience to endure and the sense of helplessness is nearly enough to make one mentally "twist". There were no words eloquent or encouraging enough from those in the room that could ease that experience. I realize it was necessary to go through the process and enjoyed about 3.5 to 4 months of manageable pain and no longer required a walker to get out of bed, or a cane to get to the door. But the moment will never be forgotten and, of course played into today's experience simply for the remembrance of it.
I trust the Lord, and was blessed to have the event covered in prayer. I knew I could choose His peace, or walk in and expect fear to be my god. I choose peace!
This go 'round, I was honest with the surgeon and shared my last experience with him to which he seemed genuinely concerned and assured me that he would increase the sedation and that I should never have had that experience. I am happy to say that he did as he promised. And though there is a tinge of remembrance of the experience, it is somewhat blurred and I admit a bit of confusion surrounds the event as I cannot say for certain that it wasn't just another moment in which I relived the first "go round".
Anyway, I am doing well, and appreciate the prayers and support of my family and friends. Most of the day I lugged around two legs that felt as if they weighed (conservatively) 200 lbs each! Just so thankful that the ability to walk came back within a few hours. PRAISE GOD! I am blessed to have a loving sister, kids and my best "b-bff" *boy-best friend forever* ;) who encourage and support me in the toughest of my days as I deal with recurring pain, by simply offering up their prayers and companionship. I was well taken care of today and cannot say enough thank you's to my dear friend who set aside the day to babysit. You rock!! Today...you SERIOUSLY "had my back"!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. It will be a pretty good indicator of whether or not the injections "took". I am trusting the Lord and just going to wake up believing that it is a great day and that for just a few more months, I might just get to live nearly pain free again!
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