Regret

Can I start again? Can I go back to the days when I said yes and I should have said no? Or, even the days when I said no and should have said yes? Can I start again, when the day is fresh and new and moments aren’t yet wasted or put to poorest use? Can I start again and love those I needed to - out loud and without restraint? Can I start again and choose to stay home, to invest my time in the ones who deserve it most? Can I go back to the times when I could stay in bed, entangled and breathing softly, and stay rather than leave the beauty of those moments for something meaningless and unmemorable? Can I start again? Can I say to the ones who need most to hear,that I am sorry, I am truly sorry, and make right what was wrong? Can I start again? Can I go back and teach the teachable what I have learned, mostly by trial and error that the moments are fleeting and one must not take for granted a single one? Can I start again? Can I rewrite this moment to read different than nothing more than regret?

Though I cannot go back…I can start again. I have NOW. I have THIS moment. I have a life lived out and wisdom gained from it. I have experienced joy and heartache that teach lessons that books cannot. I can breathe deeply and love even deeper than I breathe. I can speak softly yet powerfully with confidence and still speak truth kindly. I can seize the moment, living it to its fullest. I can hope endlessly, accept graciously, encourage lovingly and even make right choices that wouldn’t require an apology afterward. A life of change is not for the day dreamer,or procrastinator. It is not for the weak minded or faint of heart. It is for the one who recognizes and then chooses the moment. The question is no longer, Can I start again…the question is, “WILL I”?

My prayer for today

I haven't a clue about today, except that it is raining, and time to get up. After that, Lord...I simply trust you every step of the way. (Or at least that is my intention from my horizontal position amongst the fluffins and cozy burrow I have dug for myself in the middle of my king size bed.)

I imagine many things could occur today, and most likely NONE of them will. I am hardly wise, but history has shown me that I rarely know the plans you have for me half as well as YOU do. Now, to simply wait and trust, knowing that I am in the hands of the lover of my soul.

Cause me to be a voice of hope to someone who might not otherwise have hope today. Challenge me to a deeper faith by allowing for moments where I must simply choose to believe, or not. Radically alter my mind and heart to see the world through eyes meant to see as you do. Give me strength for today, as that is all I need.

For the wicked in me, (there is no "IF there be", I already know)...reveal it, and extract it. Painful as it may be, like the yanking of a badly infected tooth, pain can be effective for the final outcome. And, since I am asking for so much from you today, could you give me courage to endure the pain until I can rejoice in the aftermath of it all? (You know, the part where the wicked is extracted and in its place is goodness, kindness and love?)

Stir my spirit, open my heart, give me compassion and grace for others today. Let my words NOT be silent for you Lord and tonight, should I live that long, meet me here again so we can discuss the day, and you can be my comfort as I drift off again in my fluffins and the cozy burrow I will again dig for myself.

~Amen

I Can't Stop...

Thinking
Feeling
Dreaming
Believing
Wondering
Trusting
Knowing
Hearing
Sharing
Receiving
Growing
Changing
Watching
Giving
Waiting
Laughing
Crying
Breathing
Hoping
Touching
Encouraging
Loving

...or I’ll just die~

If the Answer is No...

I think before I feel, I feel before I see
Is dreaming thinking? If the answer is no, I dream before I think

I believe before I doubt, I doubt before I know
Is dreaming believing? If the answer is no, I dream before I believe

I laugh before I cry, I believe before I am certain,
Is dreaming laughter? If the answer is no, I dream before I laugh

I commit before I fear, I fear before I am brave
Is dreaming committing? If the answer is no, I dream before commit

I breathe before I leap, I leap before I look
Is dreaming breathing? If the answer is no, I dream before I breathe

I hope before I love, I love before I am alone
Is dreaming hoping? If the answer is no, I dream before I hope




(c) Lisa Bennett 4/2010