Ah Hah!

I get a little restless from time to time. I am not really sure what it is...but, time has taught me to take heed. I would (as a younger woman) do some fairly irrational things when I got to feeling this way...uncertain as to what my next move should be, or whether or not what I was doing was even what God wanted me to be doing...never knowing how it was all supposed to unfold. Do I go left, or right...Straight? Do I go at all? It all just makes me a little crazy-ya know?


Tonight, we were studying a little more about the life of David. Far from perfect, a young man who grew to love the Lord deeply and passionately. Yet not without first failing God miserably making HUGE mistakes, and poor decisions. Still nothing he did (or didn't do), could make God love him less...for that matter, nothing he did, could make God love him more. I get that, because I have children. I love them beyond words and sure, they do things sometimes that I wish they would not do, or would not do "yet"...or, they don't do things they ought to be doing by now, etc. The truth is, there is nothing they do, (or not) that changes my love for them. And, in my feeble mind, I get that. I know God's ways are bigger...and truly not our ways. I know that there is no way to equate my understanding to the true vastness of God's love for me...I reckon David had similar thoughts as he learned more intimately about the God he loved and served.


I really love learning about David. It has put a lot of things into perspective for me. I love the Lord, truly, I do...but, wow can I be an idiot. I have made some crazy stupid choices for my life...things that not only hurt me, or took me down a path I wish I never knew existed, but, hurt the people I love most as well. It takes understanding grace to grow past this...David undererstands grace.


Now, this really isn't a "REGRET" post, rather, in the famous words of OPRAH...an "AH HAH MOMENT" kind of post.


I had one tonight...it was kind of cool. I imagine I probably studied this and perhaps even knew it before...but, I needed to hear it again, remember, or re-know it tonight. David waited on the Lord and the Lord gave him enough information about what he was to do next...but only enough for the moment. And, David found peace enough with just that much information. David was predestined to be king, known as "a man after God's own heart", chosen and made great...if he can find peace in only knowing what he must "in that moment" SURELY, I could too. (?)


Of course I have the benefit of reading on...I learned what happened next for David and know how his story ends...but, as he lived his life, he only knew "enough"...God only revealed what David needed "for the moment" and, God does the same for us.


I pray I can find peace in that truth. I hope that in me is a greater being that will grow to trust God "in the moment" EVERY moment. Not only for what is revealed and made known, but for all the possibilities and unknowns that, until my life is lived out to its very last breath, cannot be revealed or I would do everything in my power to make it what "I" think it should be based on my limited understanding of what is best for me, and how I want my life to look.


I see why God would not give me foreknowledge. It keeps me close to him. Like following close behind someone who has already been somewhere I had been instructed or wanted to go.


Someone (I can't remember where I heard this) recently shared the example-if you are required to get to a specific place, but have no idea how to get there, and are told to follow "so and so" in the silver car...you will nearly ride their tail pipe all the way to the destination. You know what I mean, we have all done this. Perhaps get a little nervous if there is more than a car's length or two between you. If they were to get too far ahead, something might get between you and them. And, if they signal to turn, and you miss it, who knows where you will end up?! Surely, this is NOT the time to lag as far back as you can risking getting lost. We are focused, following closely, eyes on the leader, sporting our offensive and defensive driving skill all the way!


My relationship with Jesus is just the same. I need to stay close to Him, being sure not to get too far away. I can't let anything get in between me and the one who leads me to my destination. I see that it is important not to turn before the signal is given and that turning too late may eventually get us where we are going, but it certainly wasn't the quickest and best route. We must follow close behind with our eyes on the one who leads.


I look forward to next week's lesson...David, is a man after my own heart too.