About that lump...

I know, strange subject line. Grab your coffee...its a long read!

I guess some might remember that there was a time when a "lump" was a measure of sugar, or the strange sensation you got in your throat right before a romantic moment on the old black and white. It reminds me that we are truly a society at large that is in a constant state of change, not even our sayings mean what they once did. The whole "one lump or two" has all but gone out the window for the "packet". Now, its more a question of Pink? Blue? Yellow? And, I always wondered...what if I wanted 3 lumps? Am I disqualified from lumping my coffee? Do I then only qualify for the next inquiry? Cream with that?...

Still not sure, but in the hustle and bustle lifestyle of today's coffee drinking-whirlwind riding-java-addict, there are simply many more decisions we must make in order to receive that cup of coffee than in the years gone by. At one time, it was simply served as we mozied up to the counter at the local diner, whether we had that exasperated "I can't start my day till I have it" look on our faces or not. No words, it was clear...we just needed coffee! (and for about 35 cents, we got all we could consume! ) Clearly, there was a time when life was simpler. Here are a few thoughts I have had, just scratching the surface of a good Cup O' Joe.

I sat in a meeting at a local Starbucks last week...and while waiting for the client to arrive, I counted 16 different types of coffee for purchase. I doubt I saw all of them, this is based solely on what my 40 year old eyes were able to read from my vantage point. Of those 16 varieties, there were "sub options" if you will. (Call it OCD, or just a mindless game I play to pass away the moments that were intended for the client that was "running a little late". ) First of all...Half pound? Pound?? Now, I have 32 options, Regular, or decaffeinated? 64 and climbing. Then of course, there is the issue of grinding. Do I want that grounded or whole bean? Grounded you say, well, no problem! How would you like that grounded? So, now my 64 options, doubled once again for grounded our whole bean, (128) have now tripled, (384) as I have come to learn that there is a course ground, a fine ground, and espresso ground. This is critical information and the decision can only be determined based on the style of coffeemaker that you possess. (Don't get me started, that is a whole OTHER blog post!) For the sake of this post, we will use my coffee pot as the standard. It requires a fine grind. (Apparently because it comes with a wire basket, and not paper filters.) *WHO KNEW!? Whew! Narrowed that down a bit! So, recapping here, those 128 options have the potential for at LEAST 3 different grind selections, giving me AT MINIMUM, 384 ways to drink my cup 0' joe.

As if that were not enough, I can always choose to have it either hot or cold...something as simple as that and poof, I am up to 768 options for a cup of coffee. See, I don't have a degree in...well in anything, but certainly had NO idea how difficult ordering a cup of coffee could become until this new era.

Don't think it ends there, I am only just beginning, see...there are other important things to consider as this is just an example of buying a pound (or half pound) of coffee from local Starbucks. My guess is Pete's is similar in most areas. Then...we have the "other" things to consider...Drive through, or walk up? Dine in? Patio? Do we want a pastry with that? And....speaking of the "THAT"...*Cup of coffee...here is where you really want to know your stuff. Coffee isn't just coffee, its dessert, its a meal! Its ART! (no kidding). You can swish it, swirl it, sniff it, twirl it...coffee at 4Bucks is the new Napa!

You can have your coffee blended, iced, or hot. You can have it 160 degrees, or more (at your own risk). You may choose to add syrup flavor. Will that be sugar-free or regular? Sugar-free syrup offers up about 4 choices, Regular, a few more. Do you want whip cream with that? Now, you can even have an energy boost or some wheat grass added. Partly to justify the whip cream, but apparently, it adds "nutritional value.

Extra blended is what you want when you order a Frappaccino on a hot day. (We can't have ice chunks now can we?) Of course, we can't forget that you will also need to indicate if you will be have the "skinny", non fat, sugar free version, 2% milk, or whole milk.

Coffee is not coffee anymore...and I KNOW I am not the first to write on this subject, its just one of those phenomenons that we are just entranced by...at least until we recognize we just drank a 16 oz. drink for the low cost of "4bucks", ( Which is also the name to which I fondly refer to Starbucks as.) on our way to the gas station where we will proceed to gripe about the cost of gasoline having surpassed that 4 dollar mark per gallon.

For many of us, the habit had already been formed, and the drive through was a daily practice. Speaking of drive through...There was a time when that meant McDonald's or Jack in the Box. But now, it means "coffee".

For example: If I tell someone I will be right over, gonna hit the drive through, and ask if they want anything, they don't tell me "yeah, grab me a Big Mac", they say...hmmm, its too late for coffee for me, or, Sure, I'd like a Venti, Iced, Non-fat, Sugar Free, Caramel Machiatto, Extra Ice, Light Caramel. (That is one drink folks!). I know this cuz that is MY drink!

Its a funny topic, and yet, it is shameless. It is by far one of the most significant examples of brilliant marketing and consumer brainwashing I have seen in my lifetime. I long for the days when coffee was just coffee! Rest assured, I do have my moments of rebellion and decide to drink tea and, as simple as it sounds even TEA complicates itself.

I have to admit, right now, I have a major head ache, I'd like to stay it has to do with the math in the above blogged about subject, but my gut tells me it is a caffeine headache and I could really use a Venti, Iced, Non-Fat, Caramel Machiatto, extra ice, light caramel, right about now!

Cheers!