Battle Ready

I have endured one of the most hectic weeks I have had in a long time. It has been among the most trying with regard to work, daily life and even friendships. As we know, given a little time, things become clearer and the dust settles. We do the best we can, and sometimes we are victorious in conquering in battle, achieving our goals, and resolving conflict. And, sometimes, we are not. In the case of the former, there is no reward greater than the actual conquering, achieving, or resolving. In the case of the latter, when we do none of or only a few of those things but still must go on, we are faced with a challenge in our character, commitment to excellence, and faith.

I learned a little more about myself this week. I learned that, though I can be disappointed, I can get over it pretty quickly. Moving on to what the point of the experience might be and how I can best apply it to my life, or encourage someone else in it. I learned that I can be defeated and must chose to stay defeated or chose to remember that there is a great deal to be said about accepting defeat with grace, yet remaining confident that I did all I could to secure a victory. I know that there is almost always only one winner. Losing gracefully is a lost art that, though I hope to never perfect, I trust that I was to learn a thing or two about it, and perhaps endure a refresher course.

I learned that I am resilient, that I can reason, and discuss and share points and opinions without the assumption that they MUST be accepted and embraced, rather than simply heard, and considered by whom it was that they were directed.

I recognized a sense of freedom in some of those discoveries. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. I don't know if "they" say it is normal, but, when it comes to friends, family and the world at large, my level of expectation in most things is minimal...marginal maybe? I understand grace and mercy and offer it up rather readily...it is just my nature. Yet, when it comes to "me"...no so much. So...I am also learning that I need to cut myself a little slack too. (a work in progress).

I can't say that any of this is a brand new revelation in my life. I know that these are all lessons life and its experiences have taught me many times before. Its just that this week, was a concentrated boot camp of "all things chaos".


My physical strength is diminishing...I knew this time in my life was coming. But, it doesn't make it any easier to accept. My emotions were scattered, as most of them had little rest in the last few weeks between my friend's move, and getting him packed and unpacked, and then my own big move. Being pushed to my limits physically has perhaps taxed my emotions more than they might at any other time in my life, the fact that it happened at a time when my work demanded so much more of me, only pushed me to accept that there are things that I just cannot control.

Friendships or "familyships" that require our commitment, patience, love and understanding sometimes take a back seat to the things that drive our paycheck or ego...and I realized this week that we must keep all of these things in balance. Boundaries are just as important as willingness to be there. I had to stop and reflect on what the fuss is really all about, and the truth is, none of it had gotten past the watchful eye of the Lord. It is not up to me to rescue the world, or always "be there" for people though, I was created for this purpose, it is not all "on me". I simply need to be honorable to the task at hand, do my best, love the people I love,abd follow through. It is so important to trust the Lord to work out all the details and nuances that I just can't control.

I know I will learn this over and over again...I guess I am writing this out so that I can look back one day and say, "oh, yeah"...I learned that already...and know exactly what to do. It is the Lord who guides me, protects me, provides for me. He moves me, and draws me to Himself. I need only to know that there is nothing He does not see, nor any trial He has not allowed. I put on my armour, go to battle, do my best and then I simply find my rest in Him.