8 months!

Good grief, has it been that long?

Yowza...I haven't written or posted to my blog in EIGHT months!


Not sure why really, I THINK all the time! I have ideas, ponder thoughts, even share some of them without writing them down, rather often. So, here I am, 4.5 hours away from two different alarm clocks going off so that I won't miss my flight to S0-Cal...and NOW I write!


I am exhausted, my mind is fried, life has been a whirlwind...things I feared and fretted have come and gone, some of the hopes I had came to fruition, some I am still hoping for. Concerns grew to crisis, or simply to silly stacks of embarrassments as I questioned myself internally...did I really have SO little faith!? Deadlines came and went, some prayers were answered, some were not.*yet? I reached a few goals, I failed more often than I care to admit. (oops, too late).


I left a little baggage behind, learned a few new songs, I sang them out loud. I dropped some weight, had back surgery and shortly thereafter wondered why I waited so long. I suffered severed relationships, and severed suffering relationships. I cried deeply and equally over both, yet still trust the Lord for healing there. I became an auntie(to triplets), learned I was going to be a GRAMMY, *yaye ME! I re-discovered that healing can happen when you least expect it, and that sometimes NOT expecting someone to meet your expectations can surprise you, even cause you to reconsider what it is that defined your original expectations to begin with.


...I moved, it was a big move, but only across the way...making it a big SHORT move. I stared at that statement and am fairly confident that it was not oxy-moronic in nature. I will stop staring now as not to change my mind and have to re-write this sentence. I unwrapped some new friends, and deepened older friendships, cut some ties, and tied up some loose ends. I am still facing giants, but don't feel as alone, at least not today. I still fear giants. I still trust God with my fears. I am working an awful lot, thankful for every opportunity. Frustrated that I am not seeing the results that cause me to feel like I have succeeded, absolutely confident that I am doing exactly what I should be. (Just wondering if i should be doing it more)?


I've eaten ice cream for dinner, at least once or twice, skipped breakfast, drove over the speed limit, (without getting caught), and listened to dear people tell their stories. I have felt alone, I have felt lonely...rarely at the same time. I have been underwhelmed, over stimulated, even sassy from time to time. Not really sure why that matters in the scheme of things, but it is what comes to mind, so it is now part of the post.


I consider the wonder of my children, their lives, the lives of those they love, their hopes, their choices, and their fortitude to persevere, and I am inspired. I made room in my life to love again, and am recognizing that it will probably happen when I am equally convinced that I am as loveABLE as I am lovING. I bought a season pass to Six Flags, and rode as many roller coasters in one day as I possibly could. I plan to do it again. I camped, and chilled with friends, and camped again and made new friends. I ate copious amounts of ice cream for less than two bucks and did it each day while I was camping!


I rode a Segway, for the first time. I attended a PRO baseball game for the first time.*Got the hat-Go Giants! I saw the Thunderbirds scream through the air with precision and grace, for the first time. *no hat but I do have my very own "dog tags" now. I went to the Crocker Museum for the first time. I bought a new car that I actually paid cash for, for the first time. I bought a convertible, for the first time! *Same car, different point ;) I met a friend I have had for nearly four years, for the first time. I saw Jason Mraz, Boss Skaggs, Diana Krall, and Michael McDonald, for the first time.

There is a lot of life lived, passed by, forgotten and remembered. There is so much more that I could have said, but my eyes are rolling back in my head and now I am 3.5 hours away from the alarm clocks going off.

A lot can happen...or NOT happen in 8 months, some "blog worthy" some, not-so-much! This certainly cannot make up for 8 months worth of bloglessness *Yes, that is NOW "officially" another "Lisa Bee"-ism, but it touches on the high and low "lights" of them.

I hope this is my "uncorking"...and that there is more in my heart to say, to reveal, to question and explore. I hope that somehow, out of all that "stuff" up there, I might find a story to share, something more than a capsule size glimpse, smooshed between commas, or parenthesis to write about, to put color to, to put music to, and to put life to.


Listen, it's late, there is no ethereal or double sided meaning to the ending to this post. I have no clever agenda, nothing witty with which to close out this diatribe of gibberish. In fact, the best I can come up with at this ridiculous hour of the night is that I should have ended it PARAGRAPHS ago, cashing in on the extra 30 minutes of sleep! There is no wrap up, no "moral to this story", no slow fade to a suspenseful dangler or an ending that causes you to think deeper, or smile softly or giggle inwardly for all the feel good mushy stuff...this one just ends.