I'll not forget, no not ever, the faintest warmth of your breath on my neck or the trickle of chills down my spine as the entirety of my being came alive simultaneously to your drawing me in. Nor will I forget the sound, ever soft as it was, of you sighing as you pulled me close seemingly daring yourself, not to let go. Beautiful moments, never a one planned, forever etched into the safe keeping of my memory.
I'll not forget, no not ever, the unspoken moments of complete contentment between us when words were not necessary, and practically mutually forbidden in those most precious of moments when saying nothing at all said everything necessary. Nor will I forget how you looked into my eyes and I into yours and without a single word spoken, uncontrollable laughter spilt out from the core of our beings. Such moments were meant for us and us alone, we simply understood that. We’d laugh until we cried, grasping just enough breath to fuel the next burst of laughter until we were exhausted and sighed one last collective sigh.
I'll not forget, no not ever, the revelation of “you”…that moment when you “got” that “I get you” and that maybe for the first time ever, you recognized that being known so fully, though it petrified you, equally so, freed you to be exactly who you are, holding nothing back. Nor will I forget the the smile in your eyes as peace conquered fear and you began to embrace change. Time alone was the compelling factor, as fear was a burden you were so ready to surrender and peace relentlessly knocked at the door of your soul until you let it in.
I'll not forget, no not ever, the countless conversations of “deeper things” of life. When honoring your truth was as important to me as speaking my own, no matter what that truth was. Accepting our differences was practically an epic occasion that we both found exhilarating and beautiful for the simple fact that it appeared neither had an agenda to change the other and our only expectations of each other were for truth and genuineness. Nor will I forget the light in your eyes and the excitement in your voice as you slowly began to see yourself the way I, and others already do.
I'll not forget, no not ever, saying goodnight with both a sense of satisfaction for the time we had together, feeling confident that we wasted little of it, and a sense of sadness for the time we would now be apart even only to sleep. Nor will I forget the hope of each new day, the bidding of a “good morning” and the anticipation of what that day would unfold before me knowing that you were a part of it whether in person or in thought.
I'll not forget, no not ever, as certain coolness sank over us and new silence began to creep in, a most unmistakable blaring kind of silence, began to make itself known. Nor will I forget the unsettled disappointment of recognizing that I was all too familiar with this kind of quieted state, the kind that seemed to confound everything I had known with you to that point.
I'll not forget, no not ever, wrestling with each revelation and turning tide as the dynamics of who we were individually changed for the better, as we became truer to ourselves yet collectively, indifference began to replace a sense of wonderment and joint contentedness. Nor will I forget questioning my heart’s ability to hold on and fight for something so rarely experienced by anyone, let alone us, or if letting go to “holding on” was going to once again, be required of me.
I'll not forget, no not ever, the many days and nights, seeking for my Lord to speak, to reveal to me what it was that He required of me in this, though once practically attainable, now seemingly implausible state of being. Nor will I forget the moment that He met me here, and reminded me that holding on, or letting go, mattered little in the grander scheme. It wasn’t so much about the warmth of your breath, the strength of your touch, the uncontainable laughter or conversations we shared as much as it was about the one who gave us those moments to learn, to grow, to experience such things and take them with us on this journey we call life.
I'll not forget, no not ever, the very moment I understood this truth. As though I’d walked into a dark room, stumbling and searching along the wall for the light switch, when at once the Lord steps into the room and for the mere fact that He is light I am now relieved, not only of the uncertainty of darkness, but that I see clearly now what was before me. Nor will I forget the great sense of peace I had as I faced a new truth with acceptance. Though our paths had crossed and were meant to do just that, they would do so for but a moment and then the time had come for them to cross again, only now, in differing directions, toward new experiences and opportunities.
I'll not forget, no not ever, the moment we met, and my life forever changed. Through many experiences in a relatively short period of time, I learned some great lessons, I’d not have learned about myself any other way. Nor will I forget this very moment, as it plays out in my heart and mind a grand symphony marked by words being put to paper and I am boldly transformed as the harmony of “letting go” fades in the distance and the melody of new beginnings and great anticipation for all I have yet to experience in life overshadows any sorrow or uncertainty of the past.
