It must be that time of the year...you know, that time of year that as the air begins to chill, and the smell of the leaves as they turn color, fall to the ground and are raked into piles reminds us that fall is "falling" and we just come to expect "certain" things from the season.
It is the time of year when snuggling on the couch with that special someone does not require the a/c turned down to the 60's just so you don't "stick" together as you "stick together" and hot cocoa and homemade soup just start to make their way to the top of the list of "must haves". Pumpkin Spice Lattes make their way back into Starbucks, (what a clever marketing gimmick), and grocery stores and "super stores" dedicate miles of isles to CANDY! (did you just hear that? my heart just skipped a beat! I DO LOVE ME SOME CANDY!)
To me, "that" time of year also causes me to bunker down a little, spend more time reading, writing, reflecting, and pondering the year in passing. Perhaps this is why I just picked up on my blog where I left off in JANUARY!?! I really can't believe how long it has been since I felt like writing something here. I guess it doesn't really matter much, but for someone who loves to write, it is a bit perplexing.
I am just back from a conference for work. I am (as was intended), a little more motivated, enlightened, and excited again about what I do, who I do it for, and why I do it. I think that is a good thing!
I work for a company that has done plenty of good for not only our wonderful Country, but for many others as well. They are a very strong company in the midst of all the turmoil surrounding the "times we live in" and treat me very well as I represent them to the best of my ability. It is safe to say I am proud to be a part of something so phenomenal and can only hope to rise to the occasion of being equal to it. (though obviously only to the degree that I am able as a single individual).
I have to say, as I was reminded of the history of our company, what it stood for, how it invested in the lives of SO many, by way of investing in other company's ideas and providing opportunities for families to have insurance whether home, life, medical, legal, or offer studies on the aging population (We have an ENTIRE institute dedicated to studying aging, and how it affect, and effects society not only today, but in the future) I learned we funded little projects like "The Empire State Building", we employ THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of people world wide, providing well paying jobs, medical benefits, excellent training, camaraderie, and the ability to continue to grow within the company. I began to recognize a sense of pride, of "belonging", and desire to WANT to do well for this company all over again.
Now, don't think I didn't realize, yes...that is probably what they were hoping for, I am smart enough to "get that"...the thing is, I STILL wanted to do 'em proud! As I asked myself "WHY"...one of my favorite questions EVER and I recognized that I had come to learn the character of the company a little better and realized that it aligned with the core of who I am, and wanted to be a bigger part of it. Simple as that.
So, here I am, a Snoopy touting, card carrying member of something bigger than me, that hopes to continue to be stable, provide services and a future for as many as will allow me and have some fun in the midst of it all.
Of course, you know I can't go "there" without also going..."here"...
I also reflect often on that same thought process when in comes to my relationship with Jesus Christ. (I am NOT comparing the company I work for with Jesus, as NONE can compare)...but the "idea" of understanding character and having it align with the core of who I am, and what I want to be, or simply desire whether I will ever "attain" is quite similar. *Save for the fact one is eternal, the other very temporal at best.
I am always encouraged and stirred when I attend Bible Study, or Church with believing friends or spend time in prayer or reading His word on my own. (it is kind of like this conference I just returned from every time). A little more about Him is revealed, and I am excited to be a part of it. The more I know about Him and what he has done for this world, the more sure I am that I am right where I am supposed to be. All the nuances that make Jesus, well...Jesus, resonate with me as I learn them. I am in a constant state awe, renewed confidence, and a sense of loyalty comes over me making me want to make my Jesus proud.
Ya know, I was thinking about how I have dear friends who are struggling right now. Many are out of work, looking for something to "make the difference", knowing ANYTHING would help. They just have this desperate sense about them, and of course I just want to "fix it". I just want them ALL to come work for the company I work for because I know the character and integrity of the company. I know what they stand for, I see their vision for the future, and it is a place I LOVE to work for. Of course, I have a greater passion for them to see my Jesus the way I do. To see His ability to save, to supply need, to ease fears, to create family, to heal the broken hearted, to sustain and to offer ETERNITY to. I see His vision for our future, I can't help but be excited and want to share this discovery with my friends too!
So, just as I would share my greatest find, whether a two-for-one coupon for a great restaurant, a clearance sale at DSW, my own surgeon should you need her, (hope not) or the company I work for, I would also like to share my eternal hope, my joy, my peace, my salvation and my rock.
The good news???? ...no interview process, no drug testing, back ground testing, credit checks, no 30, 60, or 90 day "trial periods", no typing or personality tests, and no competing with a more well qualified candidate, as this is an unlimited number of openings, NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED gig...come as you are!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
8 months!
Good grief, has it been that long?
Yowza...I haven't written or posted to my blog in EIGHT months!
Not sure why really, I THINK all the time! I have ideas, ponder thoughts, even share some of
them without writing them down, rather often. So, here I am, 4.5 hours away from two different alarm clocks going off so that I won't miss my flight to S0-Cal...and NOW I write!
I am exhausted, my mind is fried, life has been a whirlwind...things I feared and fretted have come and gone, some of the hopes I had came to fruition, some I am still hoping for. Concerns grew to crisis, or simply to silly stacks of embarrassments as I questioned myself internally...did I really have SO little faith!? Deadlines came and went, some prayers were answered, some were not.*yet? I reached a few goals, I failed more often than I care to admit. (oops, too late).
I left a little baggage behind, learned a few new songs, I sang them out loud. I dropped some weight, had back surgery and shortly thereafter wondered why I waited so long. I suffered severed relationships, and severed suffering relationships. I cried deeply and equally over both, yet still trust the Lord for healing there. I became an auntie(to triplets), learned I was going to be a GRAMMY, *yaye ME! I re-discovered that healing can happen when you least expect it, and that sometimes NOT expecting someone to meet your expectations can surprise you, even cause you to reconsider what it is that defined your original expectations to begin with.
...I moved, it was a big move, but only across the way...making it a big SHORT move. I stared at that statement and am fairly confident that it was not oxy-moronic in nature. I will stop staring now as not to change my mind and have to re-write this sentence. I unwrapped some new friends, and deepened older friendships, cut some ties, and tied up some loose ends. I am still facing giants, but don't feel as alone, at least not today. I still fear giants. I still trust God with my fears. I am working an awful lot, thankful for every opportunity. Frustrated that I am not seeing the results that cause me to feel like I have succeeded, absolutely confident that I am doing exactly what I should be. (Just wondering if i should be doing it more)?
I've eaten ice cream for dinner, at least once or twice, skipped breakfast, drove over the speed limit, (without getting caught), and listened to dear people tell their stories. I have felt alone, I have felt lonely...rarely at the same time. I have been underwhelmed, over stimulated, even sassy from time to time. Not really sure why that matters in the scheme of things, but it is what comes to mind, so it is now part of the post.
I consider the wonder of my children, their lives, the lives of those they love, their hopes, their choices, and their fortitude to persevere, and I am inspired. I made room in my life to love again, and am recognizing that it will probably happen when I am equally convinced that I am as loveABLE as I am lovING. I bought a season pass to Six Flags, and rode as many roller coasters in one day as I possibly could. I plan to do it again. I camped, and chilled with friends, and camped again and made new friends. I ate copious amounts of ice cream for less than two bucks and did it each day while I was camping!
I rode a Segway, for the first time. I attended a PRO baseball game for the first time.*Got the hat-Go Giants! I saw the Thunderbirds scream through the air with precision and grace, for the first time. *no hat but I do have my very own "dog tags" now. I went to the Crocker Museum for the first time. I bought a new car that I actually paid cash for, for the first time. I bought a convertible, for the first time! *Same car, different point ;) I met a friend I have had for nearly four years, for the first time. I saw Jason Mraz, Boss Skaggs, Diana Krall, and Michael McDonald, for the first time.
There is a lot of life lived, passed by, forgotten and remembered. There is so much more that I could have said, but my eyes are rolling back in my head and now I am 3.5 hours away from the alarm clocks going off.
A lot can happen...or NOT happen in 8 months, some "blog worthy" some, not-so-much! This certainly cannot make up for 8 months worth of bloglessness *Yes, that is NOW "officially" another "Lisa Bee"-ism, but it touches on the high and low "lights" of them.
I hope this is my "uncorking"...and that there is more in my heart t
o say, to reveal, to question and explore. I hope that somehow, out of all that "stuff" up there, I might find a story to share, something more than a capsule size glimpse, smooshed between commas, or parenthesis to write about, to put color to, to put music to, and to put life to.
Listen, it's late, there is no ethereal or double sided meaning to the ending to this post. I have no clever agenda, nothing witty with which to close out this diatribe of gibberish. In fact, the best I can come up with at this ridiculous hour of the night is that I should have ended it PARAGRAPHS ago, cashing in on the extra 30 minutes of sleep! There is no wrap up, no "moral to this story", no slow fade to a suspenseful dangler or an ending that causes you to think deeper, or smile softly or giggle inwardly for all the feel good mushy stuff...this one just ends.
Yowza...I haven't written or posted to my blog in EIGHT months!
Not sure why really, I THINK all the time! I have ideas, ponder thoughts, even share some of
them without writing them down, rather often. So, here I am, 4.5 hours away from two different alarm clocks going off so that I won't miss my flight to S0-Cal...and NOW I write!I am exhausted, my mind is fried, life has been a whirlwind...things I feared and fretted have come and gone, some of the hopes I had came to fruition, some I am still hoping for. Concerns grew to crisis, or simply to silly stacks of embarrassments as I questioned myself internally...did I really have SO little faith!? Deadlines came and went, some prayers were answered, some were not.*yet? I reached a few goals, I failed more often than I care to admit. (oops, too late).
I left a little baggage behind, learned a few new songs, I sang them out loud. I dropped some weight, had back surgery and shortly thereafter wondered why I waited so long. I suffered severed relationships, and severed suffering relationships. I cried deeply and equally over both, yet still trust the Lord for healing there. I became an auntie(to triplets), learned I was going to be a GRAMMY, *yaye ME! I re-discovered that healing can happen when you least expect it, and that sometimes NOT expecting someone to meet your expectations can surprise you, even cause you to reconsider what it is that defined your original expectations to begin with.
...I moved, it was a big move, but only across the way...making it a big SHORT move. I stared at that statement and am fairly confident that it was not oxy-moronic in nature. I will stop staring now as not to change my mind and have to re-write this sentence. I unwrapped some new friends, and deepened older friendships, cut some ties, and tied up some loose ends. I am still facing giants, but don't feel as alone, at least not today. I still fear giants. I still trust God with my fears. I am working an awful lot, thankful for every opportunity. Frustrated that I am not seeing the results that cause me to feel like I have succeeded, absolutely confident that I am doing exactly what I should be. (Just wondering if i should be doing it more)?
I've eaten ice cream for dinner, at least once or twice, skipped breakfast, drove over the speed limit, (without getting caught), and listened to dear people tell their stories. I have felt alone, I have felt lonely...rarely at the same time. I have been underwhelmed, over stimulated, even sassy from time to time. Not really sure why that matters in the scheme of things, but it is what comes to mind, so it is now part of the post.
I consider the wonder of my children, their lives, the lives of those they love, their hopes, their choices, and their fortitude to persevere, and I am inspired. I made room in my life to love again, and am recognizing that it will probably happen when I am equally convinced that I am as loveABLE as I am lovING. I bought a season pass to Six Flags, and rode as many roller coasters in one day as I possibly could. I plan to do it again. I camped, and chilled with friends, and camped again and made new friends. I ate copious amounts of ice cream for less than two bucks and did it each day while I was camping!
I rode a Segway, for the first time. I attended a PRO baseball game for the first time.*Got the hat-Go Giants! I saw the Thunderbirds scream through the air with precision and grace, for the first time. *no hat but I do have my very own "dog tags" now. I went to the Crocker Museum for the first time. I bought a new car that I actually paid cash for, for the first time. I bought a convertible, for the first time! *Same car, different point ;) I met a friend I have had for nearly four years, for the first time. I saw Jason Mraz, Boss Skaggs, Diana Krall, and Michael McDonald, for the first time.
There is a lot of life lived, passed by, forgotten and remembered. There is so much more that I could have said, but my eyes are rolling back in my head and now I am 3.5 hours away from the alarm clocks going off.
A lot can happen...or NOT happen in 8 months, some "blog worthy" some, not-so-much! This certainly cannot make up for 8 months worth of bloglessness *Yes, that is NOW "officially" another "Lisa Bee"-ism, but it touches on the high and low "lights" of them.
I hope this is my "uncorking"...and that there is more in my heart t
o say, to reveal, to question and explore. I hope that somehow, out of all that "stuff" up there, I might find a story to share, something more than a capsule size glimpse, smooshed between commas, or parenthesis to write about, to put color to, to put music to, and to put life to.Listen, it's late, there is no ethereal or double sided meaning to the ending to this post. I have no clever agenda, nothing witty with which to close out this diatribe of gibberish. In fact, the best I can come up with at this ridiculous hour of the night is that I should have ended it PARAGRAPHS ago, cashing in on the extra 30 minutes of sleep! There is no wrap up, no "moral to this story", no slow fade to a suspenseful dangler or an ending that causes you to think deeper, or smile softly or giggle inwardly for all the feel good mushy stuff...this one just ends.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Painted Moments
There is an awkward silence that seems to encompass her life.
If it had a color, it would be Green. Like the deepest ocean, waves crashing, Green.
There is an indescribable emptiness that sneaks up on her every now and then.
If it had a color, it would be Black. Just before dawn, darkest of dark, Black.
There is a sense of panic, a strange presence that beckons her in the middle of the night.
If it had a color, it would be Yellow. Vibrant, blaring, cautionary, Yellow.
If it had a color, it would be Grey. Charcoal, dark, steel-cold, Grey.
There is a chill in the air that will not allow her to find warmth.
If it had a color, it would be White. Crisp,wind blown, fallen snow, White.
There is a storm of confusion, pulling her this way and that.
If it had a color, it would be Orange. Fiery, frantically spinning, Orange.
There is angst deep within her heart. Unexplainable, and equally undeniable.
If it had a color it would be Blue. Not like the sky, nor the deepest see, more like the color of her eyes, Blue.
There is an inkling of hope that battles her heart for her very own soul.
If it had a color, it would be Crimson. Blood shed by a loving Savior, that she might finally rest , Crimson.
(c)Lisa M. Bennett 1/26/2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The Ride of My Life
There is a certain kinda of CRAZY that compels someone to look for the steepest, loopiest, 
twistiest, fastest and any other "est" I may have forgotten, when it comes to roller coasters. Just my opinion...not a proven fact...no rotten eggs, please! Truth be told, I ascribe to the theory that "it takes one to know one".
Yep, I am she. Lover of all things twisty, turny, loopy, spinny, dippy and droppy...throw in a measure of extreme speed and I'm as happy as a pig in snot. (ewe)
I just love roller coasters. For anyone who knows me, it might come as a surprise because, though I am relatively social, I prefer a small get together, a few close friends, quiet evenings at home, and reading and writing over rock concerts and big parties. I am pretty calm when it comes to my general nature, and live a life that is pretty peaceful.
That is, until I am at a theme park. *OK, admittedly there was a time (or two) at a hockey game (or two) when I might have exhibited possible signs of my inner "wild me" having surfaced after she slipped the outer "calm me" a "Mickey" when I wasn't looking...but there really is no way to prove it. N0 pictures, no one who could testify that it was, in fact"me". So, we will leave that possibility to the realm of "myths and urban legends".
So, back to rol
ler coasters. Yeah...there is this insane drive deep within me that just LOVES the excitement derived from a good 4 alarm roller coaster. You know, the ones that warn you half a mile before you get to the gate of the ride that those with heart conditions should not ride this ride, followed, every eighth of a mile as you wind your way through the lines turn by turn, by yet another warning for those under 5 feet, those who are pregnant, those who are over 200 lbs, and those who "cherish life"...BINGO...that's my ride!
There is something about a good roller coaster...day dreaming here... especially the ones you find that start in broad daylight and go pitch dark! You know, a dip, a sharp turn, then POOF~you are in a cave entering a darker darkness than any you could have imagined! Music blaring, never knowing when the next turn is coming, or if you are about to drop, invert or loop. Only the eery sound...click...click...click as you climb, followed by silence. Then...*dramatic pause... a release with a whirring buzz that clearly screams FREE FALL!!!
In these types of coasters (light to dark) you go from a sense of know exactly what is coming with a bit of a head start on mentally preparing for it, to a very handicapped lesser vantage point where simply being strapped in (thank God) with belts, bars, straps and pads is all you really know for sure. (But still, you check, double check and pray as your train leaves the station).
Ahhh...yeahhh baybeee!!! What a thrill!
I wonder what it is, really, that makes that experience "fun" for me. I wonder what the draw is because just typing this out has me wondering why on EARTH would I EVER want to do such a thing!?! (REPEATEDLY) ... REALLY!!!???
There is something to be said for driving up to an amusement park, and as I get closer and closer the monstrous mass of twisted, turned, high climbing, steep dropping steel just makes my heart race. Closer still and I see more clearly the magnitude of this mass, the complexity, the ingenuity, the cute little cart that looks like a space shuttle (with only padded bars and a seat belt) that will carry me along the journey...I am thrilled!
Reality check...
So-why is that I can look at this craziness that I have just gone into great detail to explain, and STILL check the box that says, "yep, sign me up"???
...and yet, WHY, when it comes to "life", the twists, the turns, the light to dark (back to light) phases that make it "life" with it's unforeseen twists, dips, steep-zero-gravity-free-fall moments, amazing highs where the view is incredible, only to see the ground, in a blink of an eye, closing in on me at me at 90 miles an hour, I mean a life that looks HUGE, I mean GIGANTIC from where I sit, and the closer I get, the more I want to scream in terror and run from it?
I sounded pretty tough just a few paragraphs ago...yeah, me and my big talk, brave walk, high horse, saddle-me-up jibber jabber. Truth be told? I'm am a red blooded, wimped out scaredy chicken, and sometimes, I am just not brave enough to face life for what it appears to be from where I stand.
In my mind though, I resolve that I will place myself in the safety of the Lord. My strapped, padded, steel barred, extra strong-5 point restraint system that assures me that no matter the twists, the turns, the sudden drops, or steep climbs-no matter the loop-de-loops or sharp turns, I am safely "in" with my hat and sunglasses stowed for safe keeping. Perhaps those loop-de-loops of life are the very tool the Lord uses to shake free some excess cargo we had been carrying around needlessly, just like the roller coaster did with my favorite Ray Bans about 15 years ago? (Grrrr)
Perhaps, those times in the darkest darkness when we don't know where to turn, or if we are about to go into free fall, it is best to trust and remember that we are on a track, pre-designed and created perfectly to lead us home. Though the ride gets a little temultuous the minute we leave the gate, it can also be exhilarating, full of surprises, adventurous, and unexpected twists and turns...all for the thrill of it.
There are times in my life that I am glad to be on the ride. That it is exactly the thrill and excitement I had hoped it would be. But, in all fairness, there are times when I am strapped in, holding on and wondering...as I remember having already been on "this" one, OK, when does this end? Can I get off now? Uh...if I fake puke, will the operator stop this thing so I can go find another life to ride? (The answer to that is no)...this is my ride, my life, I'm strapped in tight and I know that the ride ain't over till the operator says its over.
Though we may not suspect when that dip is coming, the highs are a sight to behold and usually those times are the times we never forget. I'm just saying that perhaps, just like a roller coaster, some built for speed to carry us quickly through the scariest times, others built for enjoyment that trod a little slower to take in a view of the ducks in the pond over yonder, life is presented to us much the same way. And, yeah, some folks are in the kiddie coaster and some (whether they choose it or not) are on the Mega Monster, strap in and hold on coaster.
Funny how life can have much of the same characteristics of the very thing I long for, yet, be exactly what I fear the most. Nevertheless, I'm in line, and I believe I am in for the ride of my life.
A better writer would probably take a lot more time to think about, lay out, and find some fancy schmancy ending that tidied up the whole thing all nice and neat. (Whelp... bully for them! ...not so much for me).
I think that is the end of this post...(I hear that collective sigh of relief!)
...
Uhhmmm...yep-that was the end. You can go now ;0)
twistiest, fastest and any other "est" I may have forgotten, when it comes to roller coasters. Just my opinion...not a proven fact...no rotten eggs, please! Truth be told, I ascribe to the theory that "it takes one to know one".Yep, I am she. Lover of all things twisty, turny, loopy, spinny, dippy and droppy...throw in a measure of extreme speed and I'm as happy as a pig in snot. (ewe)
I just love roller coasters. For anyone who knows me, it might come as a surprise because, though I am relatively social, I prefer a small get together, a few close friends, quiet evenings at home, and reading and writing over rock concerts and big parties. I am pretty calm when it comes to my general nature, and live a life that is pretty peaceful.
That is, until I am at a theme park. *OK, admittedly there was a time (or two) at a hockey game (or two) when I might have exhibited possible signs of my inner "wild me" having surfaced after she slipped the outer "calm me" a "Mickey" when I wasn't looking...but there really is no way to prove it. N0 pictures, no one who could testify that it was, in fact"me". So, we will leave that possibility to the realm of "myths and urban legends".
So, back to rol
ler coasters. Yeah...there is this insane drive deep within me that just LOVES the excitement derived from a good 4 alarm roller coaster. You know, the ones that warn you half a mile before you get to the gate of the ride that those with heart conditions should not ride this ride, followed, every eighth of a mile as you wind your way through the lines turn by turn, by yet another warning for those under 5 feet, those who are pregnant, those who are over 200 lbs, and those who "cherish life"...BINGO...that's my ride! There is something about a good roller coaster...day dreaming here... especially the ones you find that start in broad daylight and go pitch dark! You know, a dip, a sharp turn, then POOF~you are in a cave entering a darker darkness than any you could have imagined! Music blaring, never knowing when the next turn is coming, or if you are about to drop, invert or loop. Only the eery sound...click...click...click as you climb, followed by silence. Then...*dramatic pause... a release with a whirring buzz that clearly screams FREE FALL!!!
In these types of coasters (light to dark) you go from a sense of know exactly what is coming with a bit of a head start on mentally preparing for it, to a very handicapped lesser vantage point where simply being strapped in (thank God) with belts, bars, straps and pads is all you really know for sure. (But still, you check, double check and pray as your train leaves the station).
Ahhh...yeahhh baybeee!!! What a thrill!
I wonder what it is, really, that makes that experience "fun" for me. I wonder what the draw is because just typing this out has me wondering why on EARTH would I EVER want to do such a thing!?! (REPEATEDLY) ... REALLY!!!???
There is something to be said for driving up to an amusement park, and as I get closer and closer the monstrous mass of twisted, turned, high climbing, steep dropping steel just makes my heart race. Closer still and I see more clearly the magnitude of this mass, the complexity, the ingenuity, the cute little cart that looks like a space shuttle (with only padded bars and a seat belt) that will carry me along the journey...I am thrilled!Reality check...
So-why is that I can look at this craziness that I have just gone into great detail to explain, and STILL check the box that says, "yep, sign me up"???
...and yet, WHY, when it comes to "life", the twists, the turns, the light to dark (back to light) phases that make it "life" with it's unforeseen twists, dips, steep-zero-gravity-free-fall moments, amazing highs where the view is incredible, only to see the ground, in a blink of an eye, closing in on me at me at 90 miles an hour, I mean a life that looks HUGE, I mean GIGANTIC from where I sit, and the closer I get, the more I want to scream in terror and run from it?
I sounded pretty tough just a few paragraphs ago...yeah, me and my big talk, brave walk, high horse, saddle-me-up jibber jabber. Truth be told? I'm am a red blooded, wimped out scaredy chicken, and sometimes, I am just not brave enough to face life for what it appears to be from where I stand.
In my mind though, I resolve that I will place myself in the safety of the Lord. My strapped, padded, steel barred, extra strong-5 point restraint system that assures me that no matter the twists, the turns, the sudden drops, or steep climbs-no matter the loop-de-loops or sharp turns, I am safely "in" with my hat and sunglasses stowed for safe keeping. Perhaps those loop-de-loops of life are the very tool the Lord uses to shake free some excess cargo we had been carrying around needlessly, just like the roller coaster did with my favorite Ray Bans about 15 years ago? (Grrrr)Perhaps, those times in the darkest darkness when we don't know where to turn, or if we are about to go into free fall, it is best to trust and remember that we are on a track, pre-designed and created perfectly to lead us home. Though the ride gets a little temultuous the minute we leave the gate, it can also be exhilarating, full of surprises, adventurous, and unexpected twists and turns...all for the thrill of it.
There are times in my life that I am glad to be on the ride. That it is exactly the thrill and excitement I had hoped it would be. But, in all fairness, there are times when I am strapped in, holding on and wondering...as I remember having already been on "this" one, OK, when does this end? Can I get off now? Uh...if I fake puke, will the operator stop this thing so I can go find another life to ride? (The answer to that is no)...this is my ride, my life, I'm strapped in tight and I know that the ride ain't over till the operator says its over.
Though we may not suspect when that dip is coming, the highs are a sight to behold and usually those times are the times we never forget. I'm just saying that perhaps, just like a roller coaster, some built for speed to carry us quickly through the scariest times, others built for enjoyment that trod a little slower to take in a view of the ducks in the pond over yonder, life is presented to us much the same way. And, yeah, some folks are in the kiddie coaster and some (whether they choose it or not) are on the Mega Monster, strap in and hold on coaster.
Funny how life can have much of the same characteristics of the very thing I long for, yet, be exactly what I fear the most. Nevertheless, I'm in line, and I believe I am in for the ride of my life.
A better writer would probably take a lot more time to think about, lay out, and find some fancy schmancy ending that tidied up the whole thing all nice and neat. (Whelp... bully for them! ...not so much for me).
I think that is the end of this post...(I hear that collective sigh of relief!)
...
Uhhmmm...yep-that was the end. You can go now ;0)
Friday, January 16, 2009
How, you ask?
Last night, at church we were ask a question as part of the "table discussion" part of the evening where we share thoughts, or ideas and what not, the question was :
How does faith help us when we don't know the "how" of what God wants to do for us.
I admit it was a bit difficult to pin point the exact "answer" because the question was ambiguous for as concise as it was.
Maybe it will help to point out that the topic of the evening was how to know God's will for our lives and whether we go left or right, date him, or not. Take the job, don't take the job, buy the house, don't buy the house. If we are supposed to start a new ministry, or not. Most of us get stumped even when we get the answer...with the big question..."how"?
The truth is that we just have to take the steps of faith, one at a time. And, as our pastor demonstrated so well, as the lights were dimmed to darkness and all we saw was the glowing candles from each of the tables, with vague silhouettes of those gathered around, that God's word truly is a light unto our path, even in the darkness...and if all we see is a twinkle of light, we can trust Him as we walk in that direction , that He lit our path. Even if only for the next step. Somewhat like peddling that bike, the faster we pedal the more stable we become. (Thanks for the analogy Phil !)
I almost ALWAYS over think things...just a quirk of who I am, and imagined myself taking that one step...in the dark, toward that beacon of light, however big or small. Even though I don't know what surrounds me in the darkness, I am focused on the light, on what has become clear and just exercises that faith that is often exercising me.
We began to discuss this around our table. How do we take the next step? How do we know what God's will is, so that we can know "how" to take the next step. How do we know our path? How on earth do I make it to the end of the month? The "hows" were flying!
The truth is, I look back over my life, and I think "HOW" did I get here? I never would have imagined that each step would lead me to what is a pretty extraordinary life. But, there were(and still are) so many "hows" that may go a lifetime unexplained!
I don't know how I managed to raise three amazing kids on 8 bucks an hour for most of their lives. I don't know how I managed to find my way into a profession that I was never educated in, whether it was criminal and family law, or the mortgage business. I just know that the opportunities presented themselves, and I took the chance. I had to take the step as the light turned on...but the point is THE LIGHT TURNED ON. I don't know how I was able to manage my first year in this business, when the pay is commission only and there were months where I wouldn't get paid at all. I only know that tiny miracle after tiny miracle of God's grace and mercy in my life ushered me (sometimes a bumpy ushering), to today. Whether it was a reimbursement of an overpayment from two months prior that showed up in my mailbox, and was 18 bucks more than the bill I needed to pay or an extension of grace from someone until I could meet that obligation.
No matter what you call it, I know I have so much and have been blessed so tremendously. I have wonderful friends, and some pretty special family, a job that I love, a beautiful home, and many luxuries that I simply don't deserve. How?...good question. One step at a time, one relationship at a time, God has directed, blessed, and provided exceedingly and abundantly above and beyond what I could think or ask. Just as His word says that He will. I can't always pinpoint exactly the how of it...but to answer the question...faith is what helps us to take one step at a time, in the direction of the path that the Lord is faithful to reveal to us, and the "how" of it is truly God's mystery and we often don't see or appreciate until we look back.
...and I realized that for me...the "how" is the unexplained, unrecognized miracle of it all!
How does faith help us when we don't know the "how" of what God wants to do for us.
I admit it was a bit difficult to pin point the exact "answer" because the question was ambiguous for as concise as it was.
Maybe it will help to point out that the topic of the evening was how to know God's will for our lives and whether we go left or right, date him, or not. Take the job, don't take the job, buy the house, don't buy the house. If we are supposed to start a new ministry, or not. Most of us get stumped even when we get the answer...with the big question..."how"?
The truth is that we just have to take the steps of faith, one at a time. And, as our pastor demonstrated so well, as the lights were dimmed to darkness and all we saw was the glowing candles from each of the tables, with vague silhouettes of those gathered around, that God's word truly is a light unto our path, even in the darkness...and if all we see is a twinkle of light, we can trust Him as we walk in that direction , that He lit our path. Even if only for the next step. Somewhat like peddling that bike, the faster we pedal the more stable we become. (Thanks for the analogy Phil !) I almost ALWAYS over think things...just a quirk of who I am, and imagined myself taking that one step...in the dark, toward that beacon of light, however big or small. Even though I don't know what surrounds me in the darkness, I am focused on the light, on what has become clear and just exercises that faith that is often exercising me.
We began to discuss this around our table. How do we take the next step? How do we know what God's will is, so that we can know "how" to take the next step. How do we know our path? How on earth do I make it to the end of the month? The "hows" were flying!
The truth is, I look back over my life, and I think "HOW" did I get here? I never would have imagined that each step would lead me to what is a pretty extraordinary life. But, there were(and still are) so many "hows" that may go a lifetime unexplained!
I don't know how I managed to raise three amazing kids on 8 bucks an hour for most of their lives. I don't know how I managed to find my way into a profession that I was never educated in, whether it was criminal and family law, or the mortgage business. I just know that the opportunities presented themselves, and I took the chance. I had to take the step as the light turned on...but the point is THE LIGHT TURNED ON. I don't know how I was able to manage my first year in this business, when the pay is commission only and there were months where I wouldn't get paid at all. I only know that tiny miracle after tiny miracle of God's grace and mercy in my life ushered me (sometimes a bumpy ushering), to today. Whether it was a reimbursement of an overpayment from two months prior that showed up in my mailbox, and was 18 bucks more than the bill I needed to pay or an extension of grace from someone until I could meet that obligation.
No matter what you call it, I know I have so much and have been blessed so tremendously. I have wonderful friends, and some pretty special family, a job that I love, a beautiful home, and many luxuries that I simply don't deserve. How?...good question. One step at a time, one relationship at a time, God has directed, blessed, and provided exceedingly and abundantly above and beyond what I could think or ask. Just as His word says that He will. I can't always pinpoint exactly the how of it...but to answer the question...faith is what helps us to take one step at a time, in the direction of the path that the Lord is faithful to reveal to us, and the "how" of it is truly God's mystery and we often don't see or appreciate until we look back.
...and I realized that for me...the "how" is the unexplained, unrecognized miracle of it all!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I AM
This is something I wrote a while back. It's funny how old things really do become new. I really needed to remember this today. I hope you find YOUR "I AM" here too!
I AM
Who are you Lord that I would fret what happens next to me?
Who are you Lord that I would doubt a future I don’t see?
Who are you Lord that I would cry an endless sea of tears?
Who are you Lord that I would chose bondage to my fears?
Who are you Lord that I would walk timid and unsure?
Who are you Lord that I would rather quit than to endure?
Who are you Lord that I would fail to live a life that’s good?
Who are you Lord that I would ask, yet feel misunderstood?
Who are you Lord that I would lie in bed yet not find sleep?
Who are you Lord that I would wrestle turmoil settled deep?
Who are you Lord that I would pray yet fail to hear your voice?
Who are you Lord that I would fall and wonder, was it choice?
Who are you Lord that I would ask of you, yet again today?
Who are you Lord that I would find, I simply had to pray?
(c) Lisa Bennett, 2006
And then I am reminded…
I am, "I AM", The Alpha and the Omega, The Beginning and the End.
I Am Elohim, The Lord your God Who Created you.
I Am El-Elyon, your God Most High, supreme ruler of all.
I am El Roi, the God Who Sees. Nothing gets by me.
I am El Shaddai, the All Sufficient One, I am all you need.
I am Addonai, "The Lord", not "a" lord…THEE LORD.
I am Jehovah, Self Existent One. I Am Who I Am.
I am Jehovah-Jireh, The Lord Who Will Provide. No need you have is greater than My provision.
I am Jehovah-Rapha the Lord Who Heals All Things.
I Am Jehovah-Nisi, the Lord Your Banner. Your victory is in Me.
I am Jehovah-Mekodishkem, The Lord Who Sanctifies You. You are set apart, you are holy, because I AM.
I Jehovah-Shalom the Lord Your Peace. Rest in Me.
I am Jehovah Sabaoth, the Lord of Hosts. When you are failing and powerless,drowning in your extremity you come to Me.
I am your Jehovah-Raah…the Lord Your Shepherd. Because of my love for you, you will not go far. I keep watch to guide you and comfort you by My rod and My staff.
I am your Jehovah-Tsidkenu, the Lord, Your Righteousness. Deceitful wickedness, hopelessness, and dark hours spent fretting judgment and failure, are not for you, because of who I Am.
I am Jehovah-Shammah, the Lord Who is There. You are not alone, I am with you there.
…And, I come to find that He is so much more, and that my peace returns, my fears fade, my hope renews and joy replaces grief, sadness, and despair all because I asked, and He answered! We serve a mighty God.
...on that note, I am happy to report that I will hold off on my Boy George blog post...though his make up job was always a sight to behold...I think it will have to wait for a day when I can wrap my brain around the funnier side of life.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Maybe Today
It's out of my hands, I have no say
Not an ounce of control, left only to pray
...
I wrestle within, anger and fear
Toiling and desperate to know You are here
...
Why must I linger so long in this place?
When I thought that I'd run, and won this race
...
I am much too tired and I'm just not strong
I've got nothing left, except this broken heart's song
...
I long to hear You, in whisper or shout
That You're ever near me, and I needn't doubt
...
I wait once again, and on bended knee pray
With a hopeful heart that "maybe today"
...
You are my covering, my shelter my shield
My strong place to lean, my brokenness healed
Not an ounce of control, left only to pray
...
I wrestle within, anger and fear
Toiling and desperate to know You are here
...
Why must I linger so long in this place?
When I thought that I'd run, and won this race
...
I am much too tired and I'm just not strong
I've got nothing left, except this broken heart's song
...
I long to hear You, in whisper or shout
That You're ever near me, and I needn't doubt
...
I wait once again, and on bended knee pray
With a hopeful heart that "maybe today"
...
You are my covering, my shelter my shield
My strong place to lean, my brokenness healed
...
Again Lord I'll wait, and I'll seek Your face
Till my heart finds peace, and can I rest in Your grace
Again Lord I'll wait, and I'll seek Your face
Till my heart finds peace, and can I rest in Your grace
(c) Lisa Bennett 01/08/09
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